Someone recently asked me to evaluate a piece of advice they were given - was it good advice or bad advice? The thing about advice is that it always comes from the point of view of the person giving the advice. When I give advice, I am giving a piece of my experience, my assumptions, my beliefs, my expectations, my wants and my projections to the person receiving that advice. So, even in the best of intentions, advice always comes from the wisdom of the giver.

Is there such a thing as good or bad advice? Advice just is!

It is up to the recipient to assess the advice, and use their own inner wisdom to determine how they want to act - heed the advice or discard it. There is nothing wrong in soliciting for advice, in fact, for me, advice has a place in my growth. It can open up perspectives I may not readily see. However, it is my responsibility as the recipient, to decide! That decision starts with knowing, truly knowing myself and using my internal compass to navigate through the advice I just received.

What is it for you when it comes to advice?

I recently rewatched Chimamanda Adichie’s TED talk on “The danger of a single story”, and found it to still ring true and relevant. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.
Here is a brief summary of Adichie's talk: We tell one story of a person or people repeatedly until “that is what they become”. The issue with this is that we “rob people of their dignity” and ignore the several other facets of this person or group of people so that it becomes impossible to think of them as anything else. It’s a clear expression of power used to “dispossess and malign” rather than to “empower and humanize”.

It occurred to me that there are four specific roles we play in a single story - storyteller, lead character, bystander and audience.

At any point, we may occupy one of these roles, whether in a story about ourselves or in a story about others. Each of these roles come with responsibilities that I highlight below. I use a single story about a person to illustrate this, however, these roles and responsibilities also apply to single stories about groups of people.

• ​Storyteller: In this role, we are the crafters and disseminators of the single story. First and foremost, we must discover our why in telling the story. In the deepest corner of our quiet space, ask: What is my real intent of telling this story? The true answer to this question says it all. In this role, we bear the responsibility to discover and share the many stories that represent our lead character. Who is this person? What are they really capable of? What do I know of them? What do I not know of them? How will what I am saying be interpreted? How does it represent who this person truly is?
• Lead character: Here, we are the subject of the story. It may seem to be the least powerful role, but there is power in this role. We can stand tall and speak up. Proactively say what is true about yourself. We bear the responsibility to ask: Who am I? What do I want to say about myself? What do I show about myself? When do I exert the power of silence vs when do I speak out courageously? It's like the popular African proverb says "Until the lion learns to write, tales of hunting will glorify the hunter". We have the responsibility to tell our story. The "how" depends on the context.
• Bystander: In this role, we hear a single story and know of several other stories about the subject. Therefore, we stand at a crossroads - debunk myths and share the many stories we know OR turn the other way, doing nothing OR join in agreement with the single story, helping to reinforce and spread it. We bear the responsibility to share what we already know about this person. We would help educate storytellers and the audience and stand up for the lead character. By the way, in the workplace, this is what sponsors do so well, they speak up for others not in the room. This responsibility is anchored on these questions: What do we truly know about this person? What would we want others to do if in our place? What is the consequence of this single story?
• Audience: Finally, we may play the role of the audience. In this role, we likely do not know any stories about the subject, and are hearing this single story. We bear the responsibility to verify and validate the truth about this person, particularly since we may take decisions based on single stories and half truths. We are solely responsible for our decisions - whether tangible or intangible - money, resources, positions, dignity, credibility, brand etc. We should ask: What do I know of the lead character? What else can I find out? What is the intent behind the story? What decision am I taking? What is the impact of it?

Regardless of the role we are in, we have a responsibility to act consciously as it relates to the dignity of ourselves and others! Start by reflecting on what role(s) you play in single stories, what actions (or inactions) you take, and what the impact of those actions are. In your reflection, observe without judgement, then act consciously towards your goal. I'll be rooting for you as I embark on the same journey!

A few weeks ago, I had lunch with Ryan, a VP of Design in Tech, and we chatted about leadership over a nice bowl of pho soup. Ryan asked for my thoughts on modulating between coaching and other leadership tools. Here is what we discussed:
The basic toolkit of leadership includes coaching, mentoring, giving/receiving feedback, setting a vision, holding accountability with self/others.
Coaching, as a core tool of leadership is a reflective inquiry method that allows others to unfold in their own creativity. It can be a very powerful tool when used by leaders in developing and growing other leaders. However, it is not always the right tool to use.

Here are a couple tips on when to modulate your coaching as a leader:

• Urgency: The more immediate the need, the less likely coaching will be effective. As a reflective inquiry tool, coaching requires that the coachee / client reflect. This takes time and the time it takes depends on the individual and the topic. So, if the situation calls for an immediate outcome or intense moment of focus e.g. a fire drill, coaching is likely not your tool; try being direct and clear.
• Experience: The less life experiences a person draws from, the less likely coaching is your tool. Or, better said, it may need to be augmented with other tools, such as mentoring as reflection time will be longer. In coaching, I guide people using their experiences and truth while in mentoring, I guide people using my experiences and truth. This implies that in coaching, the coachee / client has experiences to draw from in order to find their path. It isn't necessarily about direct/technical experience with a topic, it is more around life experiences. And most of us need time to reflect on our collective life experience in order to draw from it. Mentoring can help fuel a foundation of varied experiences, so that the person has something to test with as they discover themselves through coaching.

Are there other ways you modulate coaching as a leader?

Happy New Year!

For many, the new year represents a marker or milestone that brings about self-reflection. We often lead such busy lives, that it is important to pause, breathe and reflect on who we have become and who we are becoming. Here is a tip: You don't have to wait for an annual marker like the new year or a birthday to do this. In fact, you stand a better chance of reaching your goals if you check-in with yourself more regularly - quarterly, monthly, weekly or even daily!
Whatever interval you pick, here are some questions you may use to kickstart your self-reflection:

• Who was I being during the last period?
• What did I do?
• How did I live my values, life's purpose?
• What did I learn?
• What will I carry forward and amplify in the next period?
• What will I leave behind?
• Who do I want to be in the next period?
• What will be my theme for this next period?
• What must I do to be this person?
• How will I hold myself accountable?
• Who/what will support me along this journey?
• Who supported me last period that I need to appreciate?

​Happy reflecting!

Confidence and Awareness are two ingredients I’ve identified as necessary to any personal transformation journey. More on awareness later ...
A tip on confidence I’ve learned from my coaching clients is to displace that self limiting belief, whatever it is for you, filled with doubt and judgment, with this empowering one